10 things I hate about lame "10 things we hate about Apple" articles

Well, the over-hyped “10 Things We Hate About Apple” article (that caused a few staff changes at PC World) has finally aired.

The ranting of two ‘veteran Mac users’ – who are obviously not true Mac zealots – have inspired me to write:

Ten things I hate about lame “10 things we hate about Apple” articles

1. The genre is so OLD

Honestly, this PC versus Mac argument has been going on for years, and yet the Nasaru and Alan double act approach it as if it’s some terribly new fashion:

Today, we – that’s us, Narasu and Alan, veteran Mac users both – are going to get some stuff off our chests. We’ve enumerated ten things we hate about Apple (or its followers, or simply about the experience of using its products).

Oh get over it. It’s so… ’80s.

2. They don’t understand who put Apple on top

The article’s subheading reads “It’s high time we unloaded on the high-and-mighty Mac maker”, yet in fact it’s the users who really put Apple where it is.

Every company thinks they’re the best at what they do, but very few companies have such a loyal and fervent following.

Of course Steve Jobs talks up Apple and all the cool products they’ve invented, but then so does Ballmer at Microsoft, and his products are, in comparison, terrible.

Steve sweats less, as well. I reckon he has special sweat absorbers in his polo neck shirts.

It’s the consumer that keeps Apple where it is, not some holier-than-thou attitude (of the company)

3. Unlike Apple, they’re just too keen to speak their mind

Apparently, it’s Apple’s failing for being secretive, for playing its cards close to its chest.

What rot!

Not that anyone cares, but I don’t see you splashing your next comedic moment of penned genius across the Web.

I don’t see the Ferrari Formula One team handing out guest passes for their testing labs. Are they ‘infuriating’ as well?

Yes, yes. Apple sued a few web site owners. It happens.

Apparently, Microsoft can do no wrong. It’s ‘cool’ to make a lot of noise about products that are late, or never happen. Sure it is.

4. They don’t like the ninth letter of the alphabet much.

There have been plenty of global phenomena, and it seems rather unfair to single out the lowercase ‘i’ for ridicule and hatred.

In any case, Apple has been making ‘i’ products for nearly a decade. Do you really hate it that much that it still eats you inside?

Do you get equally upset with Web 2.0 companies who miss out vowels?

iMac, iPod, iLife, iWork, iBook… iThink they’re all pretty cool, myself.

5. They use any early adopter technology to slam Apple

Apparently, Apple has made a big mistake by not putting a high definition Blu-ray drive in its top end Mac Pro systems.

That’s despite the fact that most other PC manufacturers still haven’t done this, nor offered it as an option.

It’s possible to buy a Blu-ray drive for the Mac. Why does it have to be listed as an optional extra at purchase time?

Though Apple is known for being cutting edge, the market for high definition drives, even amongst professionals, is so small at present that it doesn’t seem worth it.

Why not go and pick on all the other manufacturers who aren’t including HD DVD or Blu-ray on their new PCs?

6. They criticise decent hardware as design flaws

No-one thinks that every product Apple has made is a design classic, but there’s no need to pick on decent hardware that serves a purpose to try and prove your point.

The whole point of the iPod Shuffle is that it’s small, and contains a relatively small number of your music tracks.

“We’d still rather buy a player that can tell us what it’s playing.”

Well go buy a Zune, then. No-one’s stopping you. You’ve even admitted that the Shuffle is “wildly popular” – maybe that should tell you something. Or are you suggesting that thousands of people bought it mistakenly thinking that it had some microscopic display built in to it?

Nah.

The way you tell what music your Shuffle is playing is by listening to it.

(OK, so the round puck mouse was rubbish.)

7. They criticise Apple for being careful about security

Apparently, as a Mac user, I’m “wide open to attack” and “never knew it”.

That’s because Apple don’t tell me when to expect security upgrades for Mac OS X.

You know what? I don’t really care. If there’s an update, I’ll install it. If not, I won’t worry.

But apparently that’s a weakness. Apple should adopt the Microsoft approach whereby they (or usually a hacker, or someone who’s been adversely affected by a problem) announce that a patch will be coming “next Tuesday” (oh, and don’t use Internet Explorer until then.)

Maybe I’m just happy using a computer that, with basic, sensible security precautions, really doesn’t have a lot of worry attached to it.

There’s a reason Apple doesn’t talk about vulnerabilities in its software: because it’s good security. If you’d prefer to have everyone shouting about the many flaws in your operating system, stick with Windows, please.

8. They still seem to think we care about games

Most Apple users aren’t hardcore gamers, or – if they are – have a separate games console.

Most regular PCs aren’t set up for running games well, either, so hardcore gamers are generally going to need a dedicated system of some description.

That’s why games consoles were invented. Use one.

The Mac has plenty of games, if you know where to look. Maybe not the most cutting edge, or the ones you’d find on the Xbox, PS3, or Wii, but enough to satisfy many ‘average’ gamers.

My refrigerator does a really bad job of keeping ice cream frozen. That’s why I have a freezer.

My Mac keyboard makes a terrible piano. That’s why I have… a piano.

Find the right tool for the job. It’s not hard. Lack of games is a bad reason to hate the Mac.

9. They wouldn’t know selection if it bit them in a PC bargain basement

Apparently, Apple’s carefully selected range of notebook and desktop computers isn’t good enough.

These writers seem to like the myriad of DIY options offered by PCs.

You can buy a starter Windows system for less than a fourth the cost of the Mac Pro; later on, if you decide you need a speed boost, you can buy a new motherboard and CPU and probably install them yourself. If you want a speed boost on the Mac, you have to buy a whole new Mac.

In the portable realm, MacBooks and MacBook Pros are nice machines. But again, you get only three choices. Opt for Windows, and you can choose anything from palm-sized micro-PCs like the OQO Model 2 to huge, honkin’ laptops that are more powerful than any mobile Mac.

In other words, you can buy small bits of junk, or large bits of junk, and they all run Windows (junk). Or, you can choose from a smaller selection of Macs that just work.

The idea that Macs aren’t upgradeable is also a misnomer.

Many PC users wouldn’t have the first clue about upgrading their computers, even though it’s possible (if you’re a PCB geek).

On the other hand, Macs – stereotypically branded as non-upgradable – have a whole host of third-party add-ons for upgrading the memory, CPU, graphics card, etc.

10. They’re 15 years out of date

I’ve already said that the whole genre of article is dated, and that’s reflected in their final point: “Doesn’t Play Well With Others”

Oh look, it’s a bad thing that the iPod doesn’t play Microsoft’s WMA files, apparently. And, shock horror, you have to wait if you import WMA files into iTunes.

The old DRM issue comes up again, too, though I don’t hear them complaining about the many other Digital Rights Management screw-ups that companies have invented. Or other closed systems that exist. Of course, the iTunes/iPod issue is high profile, so it’s easy to take cheap pot shots at.

There’s a brief head nod to the fact that you can run Windows on a Mac now.

Great, but when are the Jaguar going to change their cars to allow them to run on weed killer?

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