Opinion: Why I DON'T want an iPhone

Jonathan Weinberg writes…

So, Apple’s “must-have” mobile phone has now finally launched. Well, I say launch. That’s obviously true if you’re reading this from America, but for the rest of us it’s tough luck. After all, it’s not as if anyone in Britain has ever put their hard-earned cash into Steve Jobs’ coffers.

But I’m thankful for that, thankful that those Apple sheep in the US are getting their hands on it first. Hopefully by the time it hits Britain it’ll either have had most of its bugs fixed, or disappeared off the techno-radar for good and put down as a virtual nightmare.

Ever since the first pictures of the iPhone appeared on the internet, I knew this was one product on route from San Francisco that could never live up to the hype. News of its impending release has been treated like the arrival of the Messiah – only more important.

On launch night, if you listened carefully you could hear all those nutjobs standing in queues outside each and every Apple Store in America, quivering with excitement. It’s a wonder they actually made it out of the house, their minds are so brainwashed.

From the beginning, it’s been a classic case of style over substance as the reviews now starting to appear from across the Atlantic prove. I mean, even Jordan scrubs up well but I wouldn’t want to carry her around in my pocket all day. Although to be fair, she’d probably be more useful.

I’m all for convergence, but it sounds like the iPhone is way ahead of its time. We might think we want a phone that does it all but the fact is, we don’t – because it simply can’t!

The keyboard is said to be fiddly, there’s no voice recognition or dialling, no memory card slot, MMS, or video capture but hey, at least it’s “fun to use” according to David Pogue of the Chicago Tribune.

Two reviews even admit it doesn’t do phone calls well at all with poor quality sound and too many steps to dial. But hey, at least I can send an email on it so why do I need to bother even opening my mouth?

And while it may do music, so does every other phone on the market these days with Sony Ericsson doing a roaring trade with their Walkman brand that not only play tunes, they look and work properly as a phone.

Besides I’ve got an 8GB Nano already and it’s not like that weighs me down – plus it didn’t cost an extortionate $499 (more likely £400 when the iPhone gets to Britain).

There’s no doubt Apple has always had vision and this is a great leap forward in technology. But so was the space shuttle, and 40 years on how many of us have one of them parked in the back garden for a quick ride around the moon.

So no, you won’t find me standing in London’s Regent Street in the autumn outside the Apple store on my knees, palms outstretched waiting for the equivalent of technology’s Holy Grail to levitate into my hands.

But if you are reading this on your new iPhone and want to tell me just what a mistake I’m making – then give me a call. I look forward to hearing from you when you finally work out how to ring me and get your words through the crackle.