Beware the Wasp Knife – makes getting stabbed up to 50% less enjoyable*
Meet the Wasp Knife. Wasp Knife’s creators had a problem. It seemed that boring old traditional knives weren’t quite deadly enough, so they decided to evolve the long-standing design and put a compressed gas cylinder and firing mechanism into the handle.
The Wasp Knife is designed to fend off marauding sharks and hungry bears, and mainly aimed at divers, downed pilots, lost hikers, etc.
This is how it works: after taking all necessary precautions to avoid unwarranted animal protection groups haranguing you at a later stage – possibly by first letting the predators have a nibble on your least favourite limb – you can then insert the blade into your attacker. Next you depress a conveniently placed button delivering a frozen ball of compressed gas through the blade which inflates to the size of a basketball (!) and freezes your target’s organs.
Hit the turn for a video showing what stabbing a harmless watermelon with a compressed gas empowered knife does for you.
For some reason, police are concerned that these might fall into the wrong hands and are alerting people to their existence. “I think it is only a matter of time before one of these is used because the internet makes it much easier to find and buy weapons like this,” a source close to the West Midlands Police told the Daily Mail.
In the meantime, various MPs and newspapers are no doubt calling for an instant-fix strategy to solve the problem of knife crime, preferably one that involves offenders looking downcast and subdued, right before a big metal door shuts in front of them.
* Readers are reminded that getting stabbed is widely believed to be not at all enjoyable. Ever.
Related posts: Noel Gallagher shares his infinite wisdom on video games and knife crime | Something to sharpen your Wasp with
3 comments
lol – very good point. But I think that innocence is quickly lost when you’ve been stabbed with a compressed air knife!
To quote their site:
“The WASP Injector Knife is ideally used as a:
– Diving Knife
– Hunting Knife
– Tactical Knife”
But then below it there is this:
“WASP Injection Systems, Inc. does not condone the killing of innocent creatures.”
Forgive me if I am getting mixed up here, but I thought that hunting was the killing of innocent creatures…
It could be a little tricky if you were being attacked by more than one bear. I don’t fancy that reloading time much.
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