AQA's sex survey reveals just how legless its users really are

I must admit I can’t think of a single reason why you would use a texting service like AQA 63336 – unless that is you are really, really shit-faced and fancy a giggle at the answer they come up with (though I think there are cheaper ways of having fun personally).

So to find out that people are texting in asking if eating a polo mint prevents you from getting pregnant or if eating a banana helps you maintain an erection doesn’t really surprise me. Apparently, according to the press release, AQA 63336 (no, I have no idea what the numbers stand for either, though I’m sure it’s significant), ‘researchers’ have found that half of the sex-related queries it receives come between 9pm and 2am. No shit, Sherlock. Honestly I would be worried for the state of the nation if they were during the 9am and 2pm unless the survey was carried out among students of course.

Even more revelationary is that the the most popular time to ask
questions about sex is 12.37am. And that 60% of these sex texts to AQA
63336 come from men – wow you don’t say. So you see, as I said it is pissed blokes.

Says Paul Cockerton, Communications Director (no this isn’t an April Fool). “When we set AQA 63336 up five years ago, we were expecting customers to ask questions about shopping, travel, going out, and of course the odd pub quiz trivia question. Whilst we’ve seen an increasing use of us as an agony aunt, we’ve also noted a large and growing number of male customers are using us as an anonymous sex advice line, especially at night.”

Somehow, Paul, judging from some of the questions below, I don’t think they are being entirely serious in wanting ‘sex advice’. At least I really, really do hope not. Still at nearly £1 a text it seems you are having the last laugh.

If you eat a banana before sex does it give you a better hard on?
No, eating a banana before sex doesn’t increase your erection.
However, getting your partner to eat one very slowly can sometimes do
the trick.

If sucking a polo during sex, is it true u cant get a girl pregnant?
Sucking a polo during sex will absolutely not protect against pregnancy. Using a condom is 97% effective; other contraceptives include the Pill & IUDs.

My girlfriend complains at my miniscule penis. What should i do?
The average penis is 6ins so if you’re smaller, sex from behind or
with her legs closed helps. Foreplay is as important but you should be
loved for you.

The name for somebody that is sexually aroused by bridges?
There isn’t a word for someone who’s turned on by bridges, but if
there was (particularly if it was about crossing them) they would be a
gephyrophile.

How many people in the UK are having sex at this moment? An educated
guess would be lovely.

202,587 people are having sex at this moment in the UK. AQA hopes
you’re 1 of them and are good at multitasking. The average Briton has
sex 2.2 times a week.

If a smurf and a simpson had sex what would the outcome be?
If a Smurf and a Simpson had sex you would get a bi-racial green baby
called a “Smurson”. You would also get a very anger Papa Smurf.

Why do I get so tired after sex?
During ejaculation men release chemicals including prolactin.
Prolactin levels are raised during sleep and so the increase in
prolactin causes tiredness.

What are the top 10 films to watch with your partner to get you
aroused and in the mood for sex?

10 sexy films: Cruel Intentions, Secretary, Showgirls, Tipping The
Velvet, Emanuelle, 9.5 Weeks, Basic Instincts, Barbarella, Wild
Things, Betty Blue.

Otha than oral sex does aqa have ne more tips 2 make my girlfriend
scream with pleasure?
Other than oral sex, the best way to make your girlfriend scream with
pleasure is to buy her a pair of black leather Jimmy Choo boots (RRP
£1,000).

www.aqa.63336.com