If you fancy being, say, THE FIRST MAN ON MARS, you really ought to head down to the Science Museum today, where the European Space Agency is launching its recruiting programme for the next generation of astronauts.

Anyone can apply, although, ideally, you’ll have a degree in science or medicine, be between 27 and 37 and in some sort of decent physical condition. An ability to speak Russian is also an advantage. And we’d imagine smokers are frowned upon…