Good afternoon grappling fans and welcome to the inaugural Monday afternoon beat-up smackdown that is Technology Deathmatch. Coming to you live from a grimy basement deep in the bowels of Shiny Towers, sweat drips from the dank, brown-stained walls as clamours of Far-East businessmen shake fistfuls of foreign, red bills and driving the temperature to boiling point.

Headlining the event today is the much contested, much debated, much anticipated re-match grudge match that is the battle of the cameras. Yes, ladies and gentleman today it’s the big one, the shakedown, the pay off. In the blue corner with the dented spit bucket, founded in 1917, it’s the Mightiest of the Macros, the Stepper Supremo – Nikon!

And in the red corner – which used to be green but has become unrecognisable because of the coats of blood and guts – 20 years the junior, it’s the Prince of the Press Corps, the Colour King – Canon!

I’m your referee for the day and I expect a good clean fight. I don’t want to see any K-mounting, no aperture gauging and plenty of flash photography. Now, let’s get it on!…