If you spend your lunch break positioning your monitor so no one else can see it and happily browsing through Raven Riley’s charming online photography albums while you deep-throat a Gregg’s sausage roll – YOUR TIME IS UP, SICKO.

Network safety specialist Paraben has revealed the latest development in its world of computerised forensics, a file-scanner that, no doubt thanks to everyone at Paraben spending ages analysing all kinds of porn themselves, can identify porn photos on users’ computers and instantly grass the offender up to the boss. If you’re a fan of beach volleyball you’d better start being more careful…