Yeah, it’s probably cancer. Or maybe just indigestion. Or a stomach ulcer. Or a bruise from sleeping funny.

You must’ve done it – put the symptoms of some sort of medical complaint into Google, then had a look at what other sufferers of the same inexplicable dull ache just beneath the ribs think their problem might be in the various discussion forums that pop up.

In the last two years I’ve convinced myself I’ve had liver failure, a cyst on my neck, broken ribs and a phantom pregnancy…